Break Down - Build Up

When Father God spoke to me of further breaking up in my life, I looked up and said, ‘Father, breaking up is painful. But I know that I’m in Your hands and You will not let me scatter, so here I am. And I’m scared. Even though after the last break up, what I found was much more valuable than what I had.’

Yes, breaking is painful, especially when you’re at the receiving end. Even if you know that after breaking, what the Lord would build would be much more magnificent – the glory of the latter house will be greater than the former – still it needs a stout and willing heart to step forward and say – I’m here. I said ‘I’m here’ not because I’m a lion-heart, but because I’m encouraged after the last break-down encounter with God. I know it is only glory that He’ll lead me to.

Being with Jesus is all about breaking down and building up. Continuously, consciously or unconsciously, but relentlessly. Call it pruning if you’re a gardener at heart; I’m more of an architecture- or interior design-loving person, so it is break down and build up for me. He breaks down what the world has constructed, and builds up for God according to His blueprint. The Architect, the Builder, the Engineer, and the Construction Worker for me is Jesus Himself.

There were things I held personally and emotionally dear to me. When the Lord started the breaking up in my life, I felt these very things leaving my hands like sand in a fist. The first such experience was with a bit of furniture that I had designed, had it built, and paid for myself. It was very dear to me. When I was to move home, I was told that I’d need to leave it behind as the new place did not have as much space. More than anything else, I was angry. I was feeling very unable to part from my dear belongings.

As I sat fuming and disappointed, somehow the mess of my emotions started to untangle. I knew that moving home was the will of God. I was probably letting a bit of furniture get in its way. I looked at the furniture and argued – I designed it; I paid for it with my salary too! I saw a huge expanse with my furniture at one end and Jesus at another. I was apparently choosing furniture over Jesus.

It may sound silly to anyone who hears it now, but really, we do choose the smallest of things over Jesus Christ.

It shook me when I saw that. I saw Jesus waiting for me and a pile of furniture just laying there. And I wept. Shame and guilt are two very appropriate words for that moment in my life (which was certainly not the last one of such moments of my life). I said – ‘Lord, if this furniture is coming between you and me, then this furniture is rot to me. I’d rather have you.’

Believe me when I say that it was painful to say those words. It is amazing for me now that at the time I felt that I could not imagine my life at the new place without my furniture. But having said those words once, I said them again and again, till I meant every word with all my heart.

I went out of my room and thought I’d tell everyone that it’s okay to leave the furniture. Someone came running to me and said – ‘It is amazing! Did you hear? The people at your new place say you can get your furniture. They’ve made space for it.’ My eyes lit up, though I was nearly speechless. I went back to my room and thanked God, making sure I tell Him that the furniture was still rot to me.

After this first mock test, as I call it, I’ve appeared for several breaking down and building up examination-level tests. Each time, I’ve moved on with a higher level of freedom. Yes, it is strange! Breaking down frees up the people of God. He breaks down the barriers that are holding our understanding, thinking, beliefs, and feelings in bondage. Then, He builds up – according to God’s blueprint – a free state. What He builds is valuable, strong, ever-lasting, trustworthy, and something to be proud of.

When God decided to start the breaking down in my life, He used the furniture as a tool. If today, God is breaking down something in your life, He may use other tools most appropriate to your personal needs – your finances, your health, your family, your children, your future, your marriage, your attitude [the list is endless].

When He proceeded with further breaking down with me, He showed me a ruin and said to me – ‘Let me break this down. Once it is razed to the ground, I will build up.’ And, He has. He always does. He is a faithful God.

So if you’re undergoing the breaking down, rejoice! The build-up is close.